Hey Tim Wakefield,

Is it fair to say I liked you from the beginning? Yes, yes it is.

I was 15 years old when you first started playing for the Red Sox and fuckmewow, that’s a long ass time.

It’s also fair to say that you have also been one of my favourite players during that tenure.  Always a class act, never embroiled in scandal and I totally dig that-there funny pitch you throw.

So when the news came down that you were retiring well, I was sad…and on the toilet.

See, my PiC thought it was important that I be told this news as soon as possible and that meant as soon as I woke up.  That meant him knocking on the bathroom door, handing me his mobile phone with the article open and saying ‘read this, it’s sad’.

So there I am, first thing in the morning, crying at the news…mid-plop.

It shall not detract from your awesome

I have to apologise Mister Wakefield, the incredibly emotional memory of your retirement announcement will forever be tainted by the previous night’s chicken burger & beer (coincidence?).

I suppose though it’ll be one of those things.  I’ll always remember where I was in ’04 and ’07. And I’ll definitely always remember where I was when you announced your retirement.

Anyway, all that aside, I really just want to say thank you.  You went out as you played, a true gentleman.

Deepest thanks and Xo,

-platy